Here and now.

Well, hello there.

It's 3:28pm on a warm Thursday afternoon in August.

The house is quiet because all three of my girls are asleep.... recharging their batteries after a morning play date.

I can hear loud sounds outside - construction noises.  We've got lots of that going on in our hood these days.

Daddy is at work.  He started his new job about 2 weeks ago.

Summer has been........ pretty wonderful.

We've had more family time than ever before.

Tried to soak it up.

Talked almost daily how we'll miss "these days".

With summer's end on the horizon -- I don't want to let go.

I can already envision the twins next summer.... so much older, and wiser after another year of preschool under their belts.

They are at an age of total awe and wonder.

I just sit back and listen to them interact - role play, set up napping schedules for their babies and clean up puke when one of those same babies gets sick.

They are so pure of heart.

They wake up joyful and ready to start the day.

They wholeheartedly love their baby sister... trying to include her, yet grow weary with her sometimes untimely interference with their babies nap schedules (are they their mama's daughters or what??!)

They will be four in about a month.

As I type those words I get a flutter inside.  It's not necessarily a good or bad flutter.... it's actually one in the same.

I can see how magical it is to watch your babies grow, while at the same time giving almost anything to pull up to a red light and stay there.... well, forever.

That baby sister I speak of ..... yes, she is still the baby in our home.  Of course she is.

The things I let her get away with - oh... my how things have changed since the twins were that age.

She remains a tender soul.... always checking and rechecking and triple checking that mama is close by.

But her determination, curiosity, courage, fierce physical abilities.... they take her to all levels and heights in this house.

Her desire to be up and on top of everything would make most hearts stop -- but for me, I know what she's up to.

My eyes are equally glued to her.....and yes, I let her get away with too much.

But you know, I can.... cuz I'm the mama.

Over the past few summer months.... I have welcomed a peace in my heart like I've never felt.

Never.

The slow days -- without any real schedule or plan.... have me feeling content.

Of course I've stuck to my sacred napping schedule in the afternoons, but other than that - we roll.

We roll out of bed..... and eventually down for breakfast.

We listen to music and flip pancakes, most days.

We play on the deck in our jammies until it's time to find our way back upstairs to tidy our rooms and ourselves.

We work together to pick out the days' attire and make our beds.

We head outside for a walk around the block... sometimes we all walk, sometimes the twins bike or push a baby stroller.

Sometimes we make it all the way around without tears.... other times not so much.

We play outside for awhile and then discuss lunch menu options.

Turkey & Cheese or PB & J?

Strawberries or grapes?

An apple sauce?

OK - yes ... a cookie for dessert.

Nap time comes easy as we're all tuckered out and sometimes even mama closes her eyes.

The laundry - eh... it can wait.

Clean up the kitchen... oh, we'll be back there in a few hours for dinner.

It's not like I let the house go - but I clean as I go and try not to let it burden me as much as I once did.

After a few hours of snooze time ... we meet again.

We roll out of bed and head down for a late day snack.

More outside time.... running around the backyard is a favorite at this time of day.

We've been seeing less of daddy these days as he's studying for a board exam.

Two years ago -- a 14 hour day all by my lonesome was tough.

Sometimes .. really tough - like I can't do this tough.

But these days... I'm OK.  Really, I am.

I am, by the grace of God, in the here and now.

I ask the girls to come in for supper ..... they willingly oblige..... this time I try for a more organized meal.

Chicken, spaghetti, sloppy joes, oh ... maybe turkey burgers.

Nothing fancy, but we are fed.

As I clean up the girls play in the garage.  They could linger there for hours.

We head out for one more hour of playtime in the driveway.

We see many neighbors out for their evening walks.

We chat and laugh and share these little ladies with anyone who wants a peek.

The sun starts to go down.... the mosquitoes start biting and we clean up and head inside for bath time.

The twins have taken to big girl showers this summer.  It was one of those moments, when again, I wanted to hit the pause button and say no.

But I didn't, and now our Ms. A wants to join them in the big shower as well.

Of course she does.

When the twins were her age I swear we were still bathing them in little baby tubs on the counter top.

Oh how the tides change.

We get snuggled into our clean jammies and read books and pray.

We pray for those we love... especially those going through hard things.

We thank God for each other and for our amazing families.

"A hug and a smooch, mom?"

Thousands of them my loves.

Life is not perfect or easy or any of that -- but it's here, it's now and it's real.

I have moments of failure and despair as any mother probably does.... but I'm learning those are part of the story.

My kids forgive me and I'm trying to forgive myself.

Especially for many a day when I felt like life was minute by minute and wondered how I would ever get through the day.

We are getting through, now - and it's way too soon when these beautiful baby girls will put their babies down for a nap for the last time and will have moved onto new things... things I have no doubt will bring joy to my life, but it will be different.

We can't bring back yesterday and the dawn of tomorrow has yet to arrive.....so here, so now ... if we can focus on that a calming peace enters in.

This has been a summer of joy and laughter, sadness and tears.... but when you add it all together it's called real life.

I've missed my blogging outlet to be sure.... but it's given me pause and that has been good.

It's been good to inhale this magical time called summer.

And oh how they've grown....we all have.

With love,

Cuz I'm the mama!