His plan...

About three weeks after moving to our new (temporary) home (last July) .... I kept wondering ...

... Why am I STILL sleeping so poorly, feeling under the weather and feeling tired all the time?

In the first weeks of the move -- I blamed it all on "the move".  It was -- in fact, quite daunting, to pack up the family and move across the country.  Combine that with a 2 hour time change and trying to help my tots with the transition ... I wasn't initially surprised by my constant state of "blah".

But after three weeks of this ... I started to think deeper.  Was there something else going on?? I just did not feel "right" ... whatever that meant.

I casually mentioned to the hubs ... MAYBE I was pregnant.  I won't repeat exactly what he said ... but in short it was something to the effect of ... there's no way in (beep) that could be possible! I have to admit ... I was thinking the same thing -- but grasping for why I was feeling so crappy.

If you add it up ... in the months prior to this ... we were basically consumed with preparing for our transition along with the hubs graduating from residency.  It was non-stop discussing, planning and preparing.

A few days go by -- STILL not feeling well and not sleeping.  This made things tough to be honest...being in a new place AND feeling this lousy.  I was a bucket of tears.

The hubs and I were driving around one day and I was suddenly starving.  Like ... I need food NOW.  What? If you know me .... I'm not typically like that.  He pulled into McD's and I slurped down a smoothie.  It was do or die.....

Later that day we were in the local grocery ... and without a ton of thought ... I bought a couple pregnancy tests.  I always kind of snarl at buying them because they are not cheap.  Seems like a waste of money I thought ... but might as well rule it out.

The hubs saw the pregnancy test on the counter later that evening and he laughed out loud.  Not much of a motivator to take the test ... so they just sat there for a day or maybe even two.

Move ahead to Sunday morning ... the hubs was at the hospital rounding ... girls were happy at the breakfast table ... and mama ... well, she decides RIGHT then would be a good time to take the test.

A quick tinkle (and hand washing!) and I was back feeding the girls and cleaning up the kitchen.

After breakfast...one of the little tykes headed into the bathroom -- I quickly interrupted her .... not wanting her to get to that pee stick!

I grabbed it right out from under her .... and took a look at it........and..... for me ....

THE WORLD STOPPED.

Two.pink.lines..........clear as day.

Immediate crying ...... immediate pacing around the house ... immediate taking of test #2.

There wasn't any "cleaning up the kitchen" while I waited .... I just stood there staring at the test and sure enough ...

TWO.PINK.LINES.

Lots of tears at this point ... the girls were looking at me ... sweet and confused.

My big dilemma was if I should call the hubs at work?!?!?!?!?!

Without much contemplation ... I was calling him.

It's total hit or miss whether he will answer his phone or not.

Ring.......Ring......

Hubs: Hello?

Me: Crying.....trying to catch my breath.....

Hubs: Honey, what's wrong?

Me: I took the PREGNANCY tests.......... more tears!!!!!!!!

Hubs: In a very calm demeanor .... "Honey ... everything is going to be fine.  We will do what we need to do ... everything will work out.  I promise."

I married him for his calm demeanor, by the way.  Exact opposite of me, thank God.

We chatted on the phone for a little while ... and then hung up..... and there I was -- with my two, 22 month old twin daughters .... and pregnant with our 3rd baby.

What do I do now, I thought?

I had so much going through my mind ... I packed up the girls and we set out for a long walk.  We ended up at a park and the girls were off to play! The park was pretty empty -- except for one other couple with their daughter who appeared to be around the girls age. Interesting thing about this gal -- she was VERY pregnant.  I was fixated on her, of course.

We started chatting ... and before long -- I totally blurted out to her that I JUST found out I was pregnant.....like 2 hours ago.

She was a total stranger -- but very kind and listened and shared caring words of encouragement.

She was an angel for me that day.

You see -- the hubs and I WANT another baby.  We absolutely want to expand our family.  If we'd not been moving far, far away from family this year -- it's likely we would have tried to plan for our 3rd baby at this time.

We even had several discussions about trying for a baby -- despite being away from home.

Those discussions went something like this...

Hubs: I think it would be ok to have another baby even though we'll be away ...

Me: ARE YOU CRAZY?

I went on to explain to him ... that 2 years into parenting the girls ... I have it down pretty well.  We can get around ... go on outings ... and that is enough for me to handle.  The thought of adding a baby to that mix ... I was completely against it....during this year.

Needless to say -- the shock turned into horrible nausea ... so I couldn't be in denial very long ...

And ... now ... almost 21 weeks into this pregnancy .... I truly believe in the depths of my heart - it was meant to be.

This baby was planned by our God -- to bring us new life here in our temporary home.  We've had this miracle to focus on during some of the loneliest times ... it's given us a reason to be really happy even when we weren't feeling overly joyful.

I have no doubt this baby's timing was purposeful.

Last week we had our 20 week ultrasound .... we are no stranger to ultrasounds ... as we had many, many when pregnant with the girls.

Nevertheless -- I was very anxious.  But the minute we saw this baby -- it all made sense.

Our baby is growing beautifully -- healthy in every way  ...  It was breathtaking and humbling.

And ..... the overwhelming feeling of gratitude .... for this baby -- for a healthy baby -- words can not describe.

The hubs has a favorite quote by Woody Allen that he often uses with me ...

"If you want to hear God laugh .. tell him YOUR plan".

How true it is ..... our plan was not to have a baby this year ..... but God knew better.  He knew we needed this precious miracle to help us/me through.

His timing ... in the end ... was perfect.

More on the new babe ... and how we're planing for and coping with this big change in our family in posts to come.

Thanks for listening ...  all prayers welcome and appreciated.

With love,
Cuz I'm the mama!