UGH!!
This one has been TOUGH.
Round about the girls' 2nd bday we decided it was time to implement the "timeout" strategy.
The hubs and I have discussed quite a bit recently -- while having TWO tots is DOUBLE the fun and love -- this toddler stage, well, presents some unique challenges.
For example -- when you have one toddler .... and they become upset ... or hurt ... or are just struggling with one emotion or another -- as their parent you can tend to them and attempt to figure it out.
I'm not saying having one toddler is a walk in the park - no way no how -- but you see .... the SOURCE behind the meltdowns, the tantrums, the hurt feelings when you have TWO of the SAME age -- is, more often than not, each other.
With two tots the exact same age -- they don't have any interest in sharing mama, they want to play with the same toy their twin has (even if there is another of the same kind nearby), they pull each other's hair in frustration -- they hit -- steal blankies and prized possessions ... all in the name of ..... "being age 2".
I actually often feel bad ... because if just one of them were the lone 2 year old in our home -- I can imagine having a wee bit more patience for this type of behavior -- as well as more time to get down on their level and help them understand this is NOT acceptable behavior.
SO - back to the timeout strategy.
We picked the stairs near the kitchen to be our timeout location.
It's out of the immediate play area, but still within my sight.
We decided to place the child on the step, require they stay for 2 minutes and "attempt" to get them to say sorry to their sister ... or apologize in some form.
Well...........this aint workin' so swell people.
Issue numero uno --- once the "offended" twin has calmed down -- she tends to mosey over to the stairs to see what the fuss is all about. Likely - bringing along her blankie ... which prompts timeout twin to WAIL for her blankie, too. (NO BLANKIES ALLOWED IN TIME OUT -- hello??).
Issue numero dos -- offended twin then decides she should sit on the steps too - after all .... mama's there and it looks like something is going on....can't miss out on anything!
Issue numero tres -- OFTEN ... in the midst of my attempt to get the offender to apologize to the offended ... they begin to giggle, squirm, heck - even DANCE on the steps ... turning the whole thing into one big party!
WHA??????
Back to those "issues" with have two tots of the same age. I'm "guessing" if you have an older child -- they would at least somewhat understand that timeout is clearly not FUN.
Clearly not a PARTY PLACE!!
SO .. we've had some complete fails with this new strategy -- and a few success when the apology actually happens.
And .. just to be sure I remember the highlight of this experience ... I must say -- when the "I'm sorry hug and kisses" are given to one another (rare as they are) ... somehow it melts my heart and makes it all worth it........reminding me AGAIN ... that having TWO tots is without a doubt -- DOUBLE the LOVE.
Just don't ask me mid-TIMEOUT and yes - I'm taking any and all strategy advice.
Please!
With love,
Cuz I'm the mama!
I'm "mama" to twin girls and their little sister! My goal is to document our crazy adventures in parenting. We were so blessed when our twin miracles arrived -- we don't want to forget a minute! Being a mama of three girls is simply AMAZING and drama-filled! Welcoming baby GIRL #3 was so exciting and surprising! Life is very FULL - hands and hearts! I hope you enjoy a peek into our lives with three silly girls, a busy daddy and a CRAZY mama to boot!
This is completely normal (at least that's what I've been telling myself!) Just wait until the offended walks over to time-out to scold her sibling with a "No, no, no!" It's bound to happen one of these days! Double jeopardy... Just talked with a good friend of mine (and mom of multiples) because my one little guy thinks time out is a walk in the park, and I end up being furious that he laughs at me and isn't affected by it. She suggested a corner, and a hands-on-the-wall method. We are trying this, as it keeps their hands busy while being punished...although we haven't successfully had a two-minute long time out yet.
ReplyDeleteI don't have much advice on the "twin-to-twin combat", as sometimes seems at our house...one bites, the other pulls hair...gah! In those scenarios, my gut is that they are just acting on their emotions, and I try to remind them that there are better ways to solve issues. I think they're mostly too young to grasp this concept, but I tell them, "If you need help with Sissy, ask Mommy for help." In other words, don't take things into your own hands / mouth. :)
ReplyDeleteAs for time-out, many infractions at our house are, in my estimation, a result of the girls trying to get attention. If I'm working in the kitchen, for example, it's then they'll choose to go behind the entertainment center (a big no-no). They *know* it will force me to pay attention to them, even if it's negative attention.
For this reason, I take more of an isolation approach. I will give a warning (unless it's something really awful), and then I'll pick up the child, strap her in her highchair, and push her into the dining room (just next to the kitchen), but away from the rest of the family. I try to keep the emotion out of it, and be as matter-of-fact as possible.
I have read a couple of times how important it is to set a timer (and you may know this already...but I think it's such an interesting point). You want the child to associate the end of time-out with something inanimate - like a bell. You don't want them to think that their crying harder is somehow what ends time-out.
I will say that our girls don't always take time-out very seriously. Sometimes they'll do something mildly offensive and ASK to go to time-out! This was especially bad when we started doing time-outs, around two years old. I guess there was a newness factor or something. But, if they are in time-out, and then continue to misbehave, I'll put them back into time-out. After a couple of times, they start to get that time-out is not very cool...especially if their sister is doing something super fun in the den. :)
I wish I could tell you I knew "the answer"...but these little boogers are smart! I feel like I'm constantly trying to outsmart them...HA! Good luck!
I don't have any advice because I'm dealing with much the same thing, only add M saying to his brother, Go to time out! You're not alone.
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