More on that new babe!

So.....now that I'm almost 22 weeks along in this pregnancy .... I find myself with a whole bag of mixed emotions.

Just today - as I glanced at our baby swings .... I got this flutter of excitement ... thinking of holding this new, precious baby.... and speaking of "flutter" .. I've been enjoying feeling him/her move around a lot lately! I cling to that feeling .. hoping I never forget what it feels like.

The thought of giving birth and caring for ONE infant -- is a whole level of strangeness, too.  Right now .. as I think about it .... I almost envision feeling like something will be missing only having one baby.  We're just so used to running things like a "machine" when caring for our girls.  We've had to keep a tight schedule ... with a well thought out system ... in order to keep, ORDER, in our home.

With one babe ... of course he/she will need a schedule ... but it can be more about their own design.  I had to cater the girl's schedule somewhere in-between what was probably best for each of them, individually.

I think with a second pregnancy (or third) baby -- it almost seems like a "do over" after your first mothering experience.

What will I do differently? The same?

After parenting twins .... I feel as though bringing one baby into this world will mean a little more of the "hold 'em close" time.  Those one on one moments I've LONGED for with the girls.....and even though I've done my very best ..... there were/are always times I wish I had more to give them, individually.

Perhaps those midnight feedings will seem less rushed because I will have one baby to feed rather than two.

Time will tell.

Then my emotions sway into the mode of wondering how the girls will adjust.  The other night I said to the hubs ..... I really feel like we've come so far in learning how to care for the girls and we have things down pretty darn well.  He agreed .... and we wondered how we'll juggle three.  I know we will to the best of our ability .... but it will change things.  Change can be hard...... at first....... but my prayer is that overtime we'll all adjust and in the end the girls will have this wonderful sibling to love, care for and grow with.

Both my girls show signs of natural nurturing.  Part of me feels so blessed to have these girls who will "eventually" enjoy mothering this younger sibling.  I feel some of that just comes a bit more natural for girls.  Ms. K is currently very curious when she sees a baby.  She wants to touch them and be near them. Ms. R carries around a baby much of the time ... and it has it's own special blanket.  Sometimes I glance over and see her wrapping her baby in the blanket .... rubbing it's head ... talking to it .... and just caring for it in general.  When she needs a distraction ... I often say ... "where's your baby?? she needs you!" ... and she runs over to tend to her.  It completely melts me.

While on our evening walks ... the hubs and I often discuss what our future holds. What will our family look like in 5 or 10 years? Where will our journey take us?? What amazing things will our beautiful creations do with THEIR lives?? Such fun topics to discuss and dream about. ... while at the same time ... we don't want to rush to find out.  Instead ... work hard to cherish each child and each day.  Not always easy, but very important.

We are over half way to meeting the newest member of our growing family.  Sometimes I feel like I'm living in a dream ... is this really my life?? How can I be so deserving of all these blessings?? In the midst of those questions ... all I can do is try my very best to be the most Christian mommy I can be.  I know we are not alone on this journey .... and I thank God everyday for giving me second chances when I make mistakes ... for believing in me to care for these precious children ... and most of all for giving me the most amazing blessings who have truly made my life whole.

Just some random mama thoughts ... as our family prepares for this new blessing.  More to come, no doubt!

With love,
Cuz I'm the mama!