Do you hear what I hear?

I had a very humbling Christmas this year.

UN-requested time to SLOW down.

Hustle and bustle was halted.

Last minute shopping - out of the question.

Not even one last trip to my beloved Target for all my forgotten items.

The Friday {right} before Christmas.... I was out of commission.

My ongoing ornery back said... "enough is enough".... and there I was... stuck in bed in horrible, relentless pain.

The hubs had to be, well, my hubs, and my doctor and nurse and daddy and everything else in between.

Of course he was amazing.  Of course he told me things would be better.  Of course I didn't believe him and asked to be put out of my misery.

Our families rushed in to help care for the girls.

We needed them and they were there, of course.

I've had ongoing back issues.  Pain. Spasms. Disc herniation. Over the last 5 years.

Twice before I'd had pain near this caliber.

But, never since being a mama.

In fact - it's been during pregnancy that my pain magically disappears.

And now, just days before all the holiday fun - my worst episode yet.

As I laid in bed and cried and thought of all the STUFF I needed and WANTED to do - the hubs relayed God's message.

"This is time to slow down", he said.  "Christmas will come, the girls will still have magic in their eyes and you will get some much needed rest".

So, I swallowed my tears as they all loaded up the truck to head to my in-laws on Christmas eve as we always do.

Mommy was staying behind....to rest.

It was hard.  I can't deny that.  But I replayed that conversation with the hubs in my mind.

Earlier that day as I rested in bed the twins would pop in and out of my bedroom.

One at at a time they would come to visit.

They would bring books and we'd read and giggle.

And as they drove away that Christmas eve afternoon -- I realized.. had I not been flat on my back I most certainly would not have made time for books in bed that morning.

I would have been RACING around our home, making sure every gift was perfectly wrapped, the plates of cookies ready, and all three girls dressed to perfection.

Books in bed would have been out of the question.

There just wouldn't have been TIME for that.

But as I reflected on my morning with them.... THAT was what I cherished the most.  Our special chats and giggles and book reading.

And as the sun rose on Christmas morning - we opened gifts with the girls.

Their excitement over their "princess toys" forever etched into my mind and heart.

 And then - my family gathered at my house to celebrate.

Upon their arrival I was resting upstairs.  I could hear the chatter and the laughter.

I could hear my families voices and it was so comforting.

I could smell good food.

Later I made my way downstairs to suck it up and enjoy a little bit of Christmas with everyone.

Tears filled my eyes at first glance of the party.

Everyone was having a good time... in our home - a place we built with the genuine HOPE for all to feel welcome.

Isn't that was Christmas is all about?

Gathering together with God's love in our hearts and the appreciation of a close and loving family.

OK, God... I thought.

I hear you.

I really do.

And after another day of rest and meds -- that hubs was right.... my pain started to subside.

I was able to get up and walk.

Go to the bathroom on my own.

Play with the girls a little bit more each day.

I've now had a visit with a neurosurgeon and better understand my back 'issues' - and what to do when this happens again.

Because it likely will.

But the doctor reminded me that stress and strain and the go, go, go of everyday life likely contributed to my back going out.

It's not a coincidence this happened right before Christmas, he said.

Being intentional in our lives can be challenging.

We race from one place to another (especially in the MN cold!), we make plans, and then more plans and sometimes we just forget to be present.  We get so caught up.

One of the goals in my New Year is to try and really focus on what I am doing {in that moment}.

It could be very menial tasks .... or other times quite larger ones.

Whatever the case...... being put to bed during the Christmas season has helped me to hear that message.

There are so many things we want to do in a given day.

But - what is realistic?

What is healthy?

What is IMPORTANT?????

These are the questions I ask myself as I head into 2013.

I am so blessed with a (mostly) able body.

To have that taken from me - even for a short time - has reminded me that nothing is guaranteed in this life.

We have today - we have now and I am not ashamed to admit I need reminders to slow down and be less caught up in the glitz and glam of life.

Sometimes the most fulfilling and rewarding things are so simple.

We just need to look.... because it's easy for the hustle and bustle to overshadow them.

Each and every Christmas since our twins were born has brought some sort of unexpected event.

But it's taken me THIS long to really get it.

And all I can do is take these lessons and try to listen and be intentional with my actions.

Even with the pain in my back and what feels like constant exhaustion behind my eyes.... I have a new outlook.

I am excited to SLOW down in the New Year.

The laundry can wait, the closet organizing will be here tomorrow, but my babies will grow a little more each and every day.

And with God's love and help I am humbly learning - I won't give a rat's patoot about those messy closets come graduation day.

Happy New Year to all my prayerful, faithful, amazing followers.

As always -- I wish you JOY!

With love,
Cuz I'm the mama!