A letter to my girls...

Dear baby girls,
It's a few days past your 1st birthday and I'm finally finding some time to sit down and write to you.  I wanted to write you a letter so you can read it years from now and truly understand how much your 1st year of life meant to me, your mama.

Throughout my life I've always felt like a very blessed person.  I've often stopped and asked myself why God has blessed me with so much?  At times...I've felt guilty for having so much love in my life when I know others struggle to find even a little bit of it.  I've often told myself to be a really good person and be truly grateful, and then, perhaps, God would know how thankful I am for all of my blessings.

When your daddy and I found out we were having you - two baby girls - I asked myself how I could be so fortunate?? God has again believed in me enough to allow me to be your mommy.  I was overcome with gratitude. 

When you were born - I admit I was afraid.  Afraid that I wasn't adequate enough.  But - I knew I was not alone.  This is what helped me through those dark uncertainties.  How could I question this amazing blessing God had given to me?

Your birth changed me forever.  It made me who I am supposed to be...who I wanted to be my entire life.  It is very hard to explain, but despite all the love in my life - there was something missing.  And, there was no way to know what it was until I had you - my baby girls.

In the first days, weeks and even months of your life .... I was very weak and tired.  Somehow, though, I was never too tired to care for you.  I always found the strength to feed you and hold you.  I so badly wanted to sleep, but looking back on that time I am glad I had all of those precious moments with you. Because, they are fleeting moments....moments you can never, ever get back.  And, I cherish every single one of them. 

As a first time mom it is very hard to understand the process of getting through the 1st year of life with your baby until you have been through it.  Now, I wish I could go back in time and hold you, nurse you, and breathe it all in again one more time.  You were both so tiny ... just over 5 pounds when we brought you home.  Yet - you were already so full of life and brought so many people together with joy.

As you moved out of the "newborn" stage you continued to amaze us.  You started to smile, giggle and your eyes would dance across the room if you saw movement.  You began to hear your little voice and would gurgle and chatter away - even in the middle of the night.  And, then, you started to move around a little bit. I would leave you in your crib and would come back to find you on the opposite side.  I was in such amazement with your new skills.  Movement turned to rolling and rolling turned into sitting.  The day you could both sit up was unbelievable.  I would put toys all around you and prop you both up.  You would play and play together.  I was one proud mama! Slowly over time you showed an interest in real movement.  You wanted to go and get a toy by yourself.  This motivation helped you learn to crawl.  Ms. R first, then Ms. K a few weeks later. We were so proud and could not get enough of your little legs and arms working hard to get you from point A to point B.  Your lips and tongue started moving more too.  You were trying to form sounds and words.  Your first recognizable word was da-da!  You continue to say that word more than any other word, although, it seems like you are very close to learning more words any day now.  Before we knew it you had both learned to pull yourselves up to stand next to furniture and were scooting around the living area.  And, just one day after your 1st birthday - Ms. R took a few steps on her own.  Ms. K is ready -- she is just waiting for that perfect moment to let go and we are OK with that!!!  From newborn to 1 year old - your physical and mental transformation has been amazing.  It's hard to describe our pride for every new milestone you meet.  You are both very blessed little girls to be so healthy and vibrant.  God has been watching over you, that I know.

I want you to know that from the moment you were born - you have always longed to be physically close to each other.  Right after being born we have pictures of you holding hands while lying under the heat lamps at the hospital.  Throughout your 1st year your connection has continued to be very evident.  It is easy to tell that you bring comfort to one another.  When you come together after a nap you often give each other a big smile.  The random times you are apart I see your eyes scanning the room for each other.  Something isn't quite right until you are back together again.  You have a very special relationship and you are so blessed to have each other.  Having a sister of my very own -- I know you will cherish each other for the rest of your lives. You will be there to celebrate good times and work through the rocky ones.  But, regardless, you will always be a support for each other.  God has blessed you with a best friend for life and that is an amazing gift.

Over the course of this past year - I feel like I have finally become a whole person.  I feel like I am stronger than ever before and I can handle whatever life may hand to me.  It might not always be easy, but what I have proven to myself is that with faith and love I can do anything.  You helped me to believe in myself and even when and I didn't think I was capable or strong enough, you were always there to prove me wrong.

You both have such unique qualities that make you the beautiful little girls that you are.  You are sweet yet sassy, silly yet serious, outspoken yet shy, dependent yet independent....the list goes on.  You both have souls of gold and are sweeter than sugar.  I could hold you and snuggle you forever.

Every single day is a brand new day.  That is one of the most valuable lessons you have taught me this past year, baby girls.  No matter how exhausted we all are at the end of the day --- when a new dawn breaks my heart is full of excitement and love to spend another day with you.  Your beautiful smiles and "arms up" greet me each morning and there is nothing, absolutely nothing, that I would rather do than scoop you up and start anew with you.

On the day you were born, September 16th, 2009, I was already a wife to your daddy, daughter to your Grandparents, sister to your aunt and uncles and friend to many.  But - on that day - your birthday - I became mama, to you both.  God has blessed me, your mommy, everyday since. He has given me the honor to be your mama and because of you -- I am now who I was born to be.

I love you both so much. And I hope when you read this, you will know, it was YOU that made your mama's life complete........my heart beaming with love.......and my arms FULL of the two most precious gifts from God - you!!

With love,
Cuz I'm the mama!